Morality, Mortality and Spirituality of the Soul-Less

Whenever the issue of morality comes up for discussion, I believe my grounds on these issues are more than circumspect. However, when faced with an issue of mortality recently, I am not so sure that my stand is ethical or spirtually upright.

I am steadfast in the actions I will take when faced with the same circumstance but I am perturbed and in fact, have recently concluded that I should not be the one giving counsel to others facing the same issue. My beliefs and stand on this issue are, at best, based on my past experiences. It isn't spiritually correct but I stand by it nonetheless, to this day.

Having shared the spiritually wrong moral stance with a friend recently, I now have to face the consequence of what I have done. In addition, I now have to face the consequence of the mortality that I have carelessly and clinically deleted.

There are just some things in this vast life of ours, that a simple apology will not make right.

I can't begin to describe the unrest this has caused me nor the sleepless night I had last night. I cannot believe how clinical I have become. Whatever happened to the emotionally connected person that I was? How do I cry through sad movies and sad real life plights and yet, when faced with this little mortality, be a totally callous, unfeeling and foreign person? Have I been this person all along and this side of me has never had a chance to surface? Where is my soul in all of this? Where is the guardian soul that guides us into being more than just a mechanical apparatus? I do not like this side of myself, even though I have known all along that this is what I will do and I will do it without feeling or remorse.

Have I lost more than just myself through the years? Have I subconsciously also lost my soul in the process of living?

To you whom I have never met, please know that I did what I did, not because you are a bad person. I didn't do it out of malice either. Please forgive me that I am not mourning your loss... I very much want to. But I am unable to. I cannot forgive myself for not being able to either.