Terminating a friendship

I've never ever terminated a friendship actively (key word) in my life. Until the December of 2004.

I have, no, I mean, had, a friend, 淑. 淑 and I went all the way back to Sec. 3 (1990). I liked to think we were close friends, and she had indeed told me so on a few occasions.

We didn't get to know each other that well during Sec. 3 and 4, even though we were classmates. It was during the JC years that our friendship started to develop. We had enrolled in the same JC. I suppose it was natural since we were like lost beacons in the new surroundings. All the former secondary schoolmates just tended to congregate together. And 淑 being in the same former secondary class as I, we tended to speak to each other more.

But what really got the friendship going was her first and as far as I knew, only boyfriend. That took place during the 2nd year of her uni course, i.e. 2nd year of my NS. Suffice it to say the path of their love was strewn with obstacles.

She would often confide me in many of her relationship problems. I was a willing listener. I remember even once, I forgot the year now, when I received a phone call from her. She merely said she needed to talk, and could only think of me. I dropped whatever I was doing and we met up within an hour.

I still remember it took place at the MacDonald's in the old (and not expanded yet) Jurong Point. I just sat opposite her as she went through the latest set of problems to beset her relationship. I was a novice at such things, and could only listen. Then she started sobbing and I became very self-conscious. Self-conscious of other diners staring at us, especially me. Heh, it was quite comical on hindsight.

After we parted ways that day, there was silence from her front for the next few weeks, if not months. Then one day, I bumped into her on the streets. He was there with her. She was clutching a single rose and they looked happy. She blushed a little as she greeted me. Then they went on their way.

After which there was total silence again. I did try to keep in contact with her via phone, but she was almost certainly busy with work and such. This situation was to last for a couple of years. I thought to myself, when the romance stabilises a bit, she will start looking for her pals again. So I gave her space and time.

Finally she was able to "entertain" me in a phone call in 2001 (I think, exact timings are hazy now). The first thing she said to me was,

"I'm married."

You know, I was very upset at her. The least she could do was to inform her friend about it so that we could celebrate it or something. Nothing. I told her so. She apologised.

A couple of months later, another phone call to her. Another one-liner from her that absolutely floored me,

"I'm divorced. No, the proper word is "separated"."

Now note that since that chance meeting along the streets in the late 90s, I have not had the chance to meet up with her. More often than not, we would arrange something and at the very last minute, she'd call and cancel (she said postpone but nothing more is heard about it later) the outing.

So this time, knowing that she had just separated, I gave her more space and time again. But I also told myself if she doesn't respond to my invitations to continue with the friendship thereafter, I will terminate it. Actively.

I gave her her final chance in December 2004. I did the same thing as I had everytime I was back in town from Sydney. I called up my pals one by one to catch up and maybe meet up. She agreed and we fixed a venue and time. Yes, the same thing happened as before. Last minute cancellation, a promise to come back with a revised timing, and the subsequent total silence.

Just before I flew back to Sydney in February 2005, I deleted her phone numbers and address from my database.

Now, you might wonder why I am so stupid and keeping banging my head against the wall with respect to her. It seemed pretty obvious that she wasn't interested in the friendship a long time back. I knew that. But the reason for my apparent stupidity is simple. I treasure each and every friendship I have. I don't give up on them.

She was the first to have made me give up on a friendship. Hopefully she will be the last.