Shellshocked

Dear D...

I can't begin to recount the shock I had last night, when I logged onto FB and saw the message that your sister was going to close your FB account in a week's time due to your passing. I thought it was a joke until I clicked on your obituary and saw your funeral pictures.

I can't understand this. We were still talking not so long ago and kept in contact until you broke your arm and we stopped for a bit. Life got in the way then and I had assumed that was the same with you.

I can't accept this... how could you be a statistic in a senseless accident?? How could someone with a verve for life such as you, be gone? Why didn't Death take the people who are always threatening suicide, instead of you? Where is the red notice from Death to warn me that someone close to me is going to be gone soon? Why wasn't I given more time and notice for this? Why did I find out only a month after your funeral?

Who is going to be my heroic Firemen/Paramedic to touch other lives now?
Didn't you say that you would show me around when I went there for my next vacation?
Didn't you say you were gonna show me how well you skied?

I know it's ridiculous for me to be this upset... but there was little that we wouldn't share with each other even though we weren't in the same continent. Who am I going to do that with now?

You didn't give me time D... you didn't give me a chance to thank you for coming into my life, to tell you that your verve for life, your aspirations for the future, and your love for mankind in general balanced me. Have I mentioned that every time we spoke, your stability solidified me? Just being near you brought about that rock solid foundation in me when I was ready to throw the towel in and give up.

This is surreal in the most morbid sense... I can still imagine you coming by, lifting my chin to see that quirky smile of yours, to say it's ok, everything's going to be alright, this is just part of life.

It's too late for me to say "Thank you for coming into my life", it's too late to say anything when you departed with such a finality. You left me with no recourse.

I can't say that I can accept or understand the loss of you but I do know that you are home with Our Lord right now and that we WILL meet again one day.

I need more time to come to grips with this... and though I don't want to say this:
Goodbye my dear friend...
Words fail me right now.
You have touched my life more deeply than you can ever imagine and
I am tormented that this finality doesn't give me a chance to tell you all that I wanted to, but know this:
I miss you terribly already
and you will be fondly remembered in time to come.
Till we next meet again...